Post hoc ergo propter hoc

After this therefore because of this,

I'm certain that i've failed.

Three days ago, last wednesday, i msg`ed almost all whom i'm supposed to be meeting up with after o's to cancel the appointments made.

Yes.

I called off almost all appointments due after O's, precisely due to that reason.

I'm sorry to all those who had faith in me.
I'm sorry for not having the determination to carry on.
I'm sorry for letting you down.

I really dont want you to tell me, "it's okay" because i know it's not. No matter how much how much you want to make me feel better, i'll only feel worst.

I dont like disappointments. Yet i'm the one who disappoints myself most of the time.

I'm sorry. Especially to you, Evan..


That floodgate called guilt opened and emotions once suppressed gushed out once more. I cant face you.

That mawkish smile plastered on your face every time you pulled me along from one place to another. That hushed voice whispering by my ear whenever i no longer have the courage to face the world. That dazed and faraway look as we sat and spoke of times passed. That twinkling in your eyes whenever you get those crazy plans. That cold hard look you gave me whenever i mentioned giving up.

Maybe you're right, i am an escapist, running to you, to some corner, to my book, to that soliloquy whenever i dont feel alright - This time is no exception. Only thing is, i guess now, it's time i escaped from you too.

I'm sorry, Evan. It's just that, i cant bear to see you and hear you and your "it's okays`" now.